Orchid Mooch

From The Great Outdoor Fight

Orchid Mooch (b. 1909, d. 1998, from Stone Mountain, Georgia) was originally known for going into a state not unlike a Dutch fugue when some witless fool mocked his name. Mooch would sit and cry for a few minutes and then descend upon his enemies with a great and terrible wrath. He would mow through dozens of opponents before collapsing of exhaustion well before the end of the Fight. After his first two appearances, some of the smarter contestants realized that they could use Mooch as a way to clear out some of the other armies by telling him that the latter group were making fun of him.

This changed late in the first day of the 1933 Fight when Young Jude Surrency, Hood Heeler, Kid Cleveland, and "Ciggy" Dogs happened on Mooch while he was in the process of crying after the rumor was spread by "Fast" Freddie D. Reloto that "Witchita Red" Falls had been making fun of him.

The conversation between the two men went as follows:

Surrency: What in the hell is wrong with you, ya dumb sonuvabitch?
Mooch: These Dust Bowler bastards are makin' fun of me, that's what!
Surrency: They should too! Hell, anybody should make fun of you for cryin.
Mooch: Ain't because I'm cryin', it's because of my name, Orchid Mooch. What kinda idiots name a kid Orchid Mooch anyhow?
Surrency: If I wanted to know your damn name, I'd told you to tell me what it was. Now, get the hell up off your stupid ass, you dumb sonuvabitch! Sittin' around cryin' ain't gonna fix a damn thing.
Mooch: Yessir.

The pre-fight conversation between Surrency and Mooch, as recollected by both fighters in later years, went as follows:

Surrency: Oh, so it's your turn, you damn pansy.
Mooch: You talk big for half a man.
Surrency: Think you're tough enough to take me, you bastard? Let's see it.
Mooch: Okay, Mr. Jude.

After fifteen minutes, Surrency knocked Mooch out with a kick to the temple.

As with the other Twenty-Three Skidoos, Orchid Mooch was often seen sitting with Young Jude Surrency over the following decades. Mooch died during a fit of rage in 1998 after he discovered that his birth certificate actually read Orchi D. Mooch. Orchid was the result of a typographical error made by the people running the orphanage that he lived in as a kid.

[edit] Record

• 1929 - Eliminated on Day 2, 480th man standing.
• 1930 - Eliminated on Day 2, 530th man standing.
• 1931 - Eliminated on Day 2, 202nd man standing.
• 1932 - Eliminated on Day 3, 105th man standing.
• 1933 - Eliminated on Day 3, 11th man standing.

[edit] Quotes

"Mr. Jude, he straightened me out. I used to be a no-talent, but now, now I know how to fight. I could have gotten back into the Fight I guess, but I was always kinda ashamed to on account of how I useta be. Preferred to sit and watch it with Mr. Jude. Closest thing to a dad I ever had on accounta that I was raised in an orphanage. He was good people." - Orchid Mooch; interview with Bob Raffles for Forever "Young": A Loving Tribute To Jude Surrency, 1995.

"Can Orchy fight? Damnation, any man with the given name of Orchid has got to be one mean sonuvabitch or he's gonna die at an early age from the collected ass-kickings he's gonna recieve for being named 'Orchid'." - Young Jude Surrency in reference to a question about Mooch from Bob Raffles, 1977.