Odis Kava

From The Great Outdoor Fight

Odis Kava (b. 1946, d. ????) stands as a true enigma in a field of oftentimes mysterious champions. While the first fourteen years of his life have been well documented (see Men Who Fight by Wilton Rowley), nothing is known of him following his victory in the Acres. His motivation for joining the Fight and for the actions he took on the men there remains a perennial debate within the GOF community. Though he won the 1960 Fight, it seems more a matter of happenstance than personal ambition.

Raised in shack outside of Ottawa, Canada on a diet of maple syrup and beaver, Odis was known among the other children (with whom he occasionally associated) as a nice if quiet lad. He dreamt of following in his uncle's footsteps as an Olympic silver medalist in cross-country skiing. During a skiing training exercise in the spring of '59, Odis was struck by an errant bolt of lightning on an otherwise clear March day. Lingering in a coma for three days, the boy woke with a start and exclaimed, "Dirty bastards! I'll get 'em! Swear to... where the *hell* am I?. He then escaped from the hospital and subsequently disappeared. Trucker lore has it that Odis hitched his way across the continent, helping many a hauler out of a jam.

When the Fight of 1960 came around, Odis cleared the early qualifications by default (see the Ottawa Hypothesis for more on the curious lack of Canadian fighters in the GOF). Many fighters were reluctant to take on a boy so young. Bear English, the so-called "Gentleman Killer", took it upon himself to remove the Canadian as quickly and cleanly as possible. Witnesses report that Odis told Bear English, in an untraceable mish-mash of accents, "I ain't got no quarral with youze. Youze ain't on da list. Lemme through unless youze wanna kick your ass." When the warning was ignored and the older gent attacked, Odis Kava tore Bear English's left leg at the knee and then shoved it up the old man's ass. As he vomited his intestines, Odie commented, "I tolds youze sos."

Upon learning of the young boy viciousness, the other fight kept a wide circle around Odis while the various armies came up with their own plans on how to deal with him. Odis, meanwhile, didn't bother with the armies, instead taking to all corners of the Acres in a personal hunt. Disregarding alliance or injury, Odis killed 37 men over the next two days. His targets were a collection of veteran fighters with no discernable connection. However, as many a fighters has commented, "What happens in the Acres stays in the Acres."

On Day 3, the traditional alliance system had broken down as several of Odis' targets were high-ranking leaders. Wary of being killed at the hands of a boy (Odis left no injured men behind), the remaining competitors took each other out to avoid that humiliation. At last there was only one fighter left, 1939 champion Royce Lalty, who had rejoined the Fight due to a mid-life crisis.

The following exchange represents the last known communication of Odis Kava:

"Dooya remember whatcha said tos me over me tur-kay dinner? Youze said, 'I donna care'."

"O-O-OH GOD NO! NO! IT CANNA BE Y-"

Odis Kava then disemboweled Royce Lalty with a forward jab.

Ignoring congratulations and calls for him to make a speech, Odis exited the Acres and walked off aimlessly into the desert. He was never seen nor heard from again.