- — Plutor
Johnny "Snakeskin" Lakesbin
From The Great Outdoor Fight
John Lakesbin, called "Snakeskin," was one of the best fighters of the 50's. One of the few top fighters to survive Antonia Pery's whirlwind 1952 Fight in good enough condition to return, Snakeskin came back year after year, reaching 2nd Left Standing in 1956 and Lowell Carmichael's 1957 Dutch fugue to take 4th left standing (the highest standing fighter from the 1957 Fight to return in a subsequent year). In 1958, Snakeskin was clearly a favorite to go all the way.
However, that didn't happen. As with several other top Fighters, Snakeskin was offered several hundred thousand dollars to throw the Fight in the opening minues. He agreed, and left the fight claiming incapacitation from a terrible Indian burn inflicted (he claimed) by Chris Matta.
The scandal was hideous, but Snakeskin, comfortable with his riches, decided to return the following year anyhow. Recruiting fellow bribe recipient Wilford Geldum, Snakeskin believed that they could use some of their riches to actually hire a good sized army. By assuring the army members that as soon as they were the only ones left, they would be released to fight on their own behalf, and by offering bonuses for the longer a member remained, they were able to recruit 200 men into the Blood Mercenaries. Snakeskin let Geldum do most of the talking, preferring to give any upset Fighters a more prominent target than himself.
They didn't know that the Ruling Body, in reaction to Matta's corruption, had readied the Jeeps to take down any such unsportsmanlike conclusions. However, as it turned out, the Jeeps weren't needed. The other Fighters, particularly a Hellfire and Brimstone preacher named Jeremiah Merryman, would be more than happy to take care of the Blood Mercenaries themselves. The (all volunteer) force called themselves the Black Watch, and though they were fewer in number than the Blood Mercenaries, they made up for it in zeal and experience.
Geldum and Snakeskin were amused at the Black Watch at first. However, they quickly learned that Merryman's zeal was contagious, and the men who targeted the Blood Mercenaries were far less interested in winning the Fight than they were stopping Geldum and Snakeskin from winning. Concerned, the pair decided on Day Two to share their feast -- less to earn the loyalty of the eighty mercenaries remaining (they figured the cash paid and the promised bonuses would take care of that) and more to get them off the field and resting up. They thought their gamble would pay off brilliantly when they learned that none of the Black Watch was taking the Feast. However, the rules stated that army leaders had to report to the Snack Tent, even if they gave their feast away, which meant the Blood Mercenaries ate the small amount of shared turkey and drank the brandy to the tune of a seven hour sermon from Merryman, who railed against them and shook their confidence, promising them eternal damnation in the afterlife and a miserably short trip to get there in this life. Geldum and Snakeskin tried to pull Merryman down from his chair, but were let know under no uncertain terms that Merryman could talk all he liked, but there was no fighting or physical contact in the snack tent.
Their plan still seemed successful to the two leaders, when they learned that the Blood Mercenaries outnumbered the Black Watch four to one after the seven hours in the Snack Tent, and were fresh to boot. However, the fervor of the Black Watch was not to be denied, and by the morning of the third day they had only five Blood Mercenaries left other than themselves. In addition, there were nine unaffiliated fighters. And Jeremiah Merryman was the last Black Watch standing.
Thinking they had practically won, the pair took the time to rest up. Unfortunately, Merryman took that opportunity to take down all but two of their Blood Mercenaries, and it seemed likely those two would be next. Increasingly desperate, Snakeskin sent Geldum to recruit the strongest man still on the field, Blood of Champion veteran Dwight Berkheimer, to concentrate on eliminating Merryman. They offered him a thousand dollars apiece to take Merryman out. Berkheimer, a husband with a child on the way, was tempted, but rejected their offer, saying that two thousand dollars wasn't nearly enough money for his soul. In response, Geldum, Lakesbin, and their two Blood Mercenaries ganged up on and took out Berkheimer. However, that gave Merryman the chance to break the neck of Cold Hands Coleman, the strongest remaining Blood Mercenary outside of Geldum and Lakesbin themselves.
With seven left standing, Geldum and Snakeskin, still almost completely fresh, took out the unaffiliated fighters while Merryman killed their last Blood Mercenary. When the dust settled, Snakeskin sent Geldum to offer Merryman a bribe directly -- not knowing that if Merryman accepted, they would all taste the Jeeps -- to lay down for the pair.
Merryman, despite his exhaustion, responded with an angry quote from Christ's Sermon from the Mount. At that stage, Geldum attempted to take him out the hard way, only to have Merryman tear off his own jawbone and beat him to death it in what became known as the Sampson Assault.
Snakeskin realized first off that no matter how he got there, he was one of the last two standing, and secondly that Jeremiah Merryman wouldn't be satisfied with anything less than Snakeskin's own death. Snakeskin launched an all out attack, breaking Merryman's leg in several places and piercing the skin with the bone. Merryman was undeterred by his maiming, and threw himself at Snakeskin, driving Geldum's jawbone through Snakeskin's own jaw and up into his sinuses and proceeding to choke him to death in what is now called Merryman's Daniel Closure. Snakeskin's death meant that Merryman was Last Man Standing.
[edit] Quotes
- "You know why they call him Snakeskin, don't you? Even the snake wanted to get rid of him." -Young Jude Surrency, after the 1958 Fight.
- "You know... I knew I should have taken the time to kill him when I had the chance...." -Antonia Pery, after the 1958 Fight.
- "God locked the Lion's jaw for Daniel! Seems I can do the same with a snake!" -Jeremiah Merryman, just before killing Snakeskin Lakesbin.
- "Huh. Looks like Reverend Merryman finally found a good way to shut Snakeskin up," -Young Jude Surrency, after the 1959 Fight.
[edit] Record
- 1952 - Eliminated day 2 (final day), 23rd left standing
- 1953 - Eliminated day 3, 17th left standing
- 1954 - Eliminated day 3, 12th left standing
- 1955 - Eliminated day 3, 8th left standing
- 1956 - Eliminated day 3, 2nd left standing
- 1957 - Eliminated day 3, 4th left standing
- 1958 - Eliminated day 1, 2,999th left standing (laid down)
- 1959 - Eliminated day 3, 2nd left standing (deceased)
