Herb Lane

From The Great Outdoor Fight

Founder and operator of Glazed Lane's Donuts, Herb Lane (b. 1944, d. 1992) was known throughout the Mid-Atlantic Coast for his chain of bakeries. The self-christened "Donut Duke of Delaware", Lane entered the 1977 Fight in a publicity bid to highlight his chain's expansion into the Ohio River Valley. What he got was the Championship and a nickname (The Fat Man Who Can) that would stick with him for the rest of his life, despite his later weight loss.

No one could truly have believed that Herb Lane would emerge as the Last Man Standing, let alone the Doughy Duke himself. Tipping the scale at over 350 pounds and standing a mere 5' 4", he was by far one of the heaviest men to ever win, second only to the 422-pound Edwin Rose. Commentator Bob Raffles, upon sighting Lane waddling through the gates, announced, "There, ladies and gentlemen, strides a giant, Herb Lane, the Donut Duke of Delaware. Never before has a man of such prosperity and cheer taken it upon himself to grace our humble arena with his very welcome presence. Excuse me, Jude, I do believe there is a tear - glistening, clear, pure - in my eye." Young Jude Surrency then added, "That's one fat sonuvabitch."

Day 1 found Lane up against a number of men, each aiming to pick off "the fatty" and build themselves a little cred on the Acres. These were lowly dogs, scum that gobbled up those who hadn't the mind to quickly join the forming armies centered around greater men. The first such dog was known as The Czech, a two-year veteran of the Fight that had somehow managed to always make it on his own to Day 3. No pushover, The Czech fell upon Lane just as the Fight began. It was then that Lane... fell upon The Czech. Though no official cause of death was given, many historians believe The Czech died either of suffocation (it took Lane several minutes to extricate himself) or of fright. The ignobility of The Czech's defeat provided Lane with some protection through the rest of Day 1 as no other fighter wished to befall the same fate.

Day 2 found a small gang growing around Lane, composed mostly of the rabble who had somehow survived Day 1. Though at a loss of what to do with these callow men (Lane had expected to be defeated in Day 1), he seized the opportunity and drew the small gang close and weathered Day 2. The two larger, more powerful armies, the Death Rattlers and the Red Teddies, were locked in a grudge match and ignored all else. By Day 3, both armies had broken down and no fighter left was favored to win.

Lane's victory that day was rooted in three factors. The first, Lane's sheer bulk, allowed him to practice a rope-a-dope strategy unparalleled in the modern Great Outdoor Fight era. All attacks simply bounced off him, rendering enemy fighters so bored they would wander off. The second, hidden beneath Lane's many folds, was the heart of a killer. Years of verbal and physical abuse by his peers had rendered Lane a callous man, incapable of supplicating to outward damage. The last was that Lane, despite his bulk, was capable of astonishing sprints at short distances (10-15 ft.). This speed, combined with the previous two factors, allowed Lane to blitz his unwary final opponents on Day 3. When Cuba-native Gail Gonzalo fell to Lane's onslaught, the Donut Duke of Delaware seized the Championship. It's said his heart grew three times in size that day, a condition for which he was promptly medicated.

Herb Lane experienced a brief period of notoriety in popular culture, including an endorsement contract for Dr. Pepper. However, after many years the accusation of initiating the 80s Slump took its toll upon him; the Doughy Duke committed himself to a strident weight-loss program in early 1985. Dropping nearly two hundred pounds, Lane found himself both rich (the Ohio River Valley expansion was a marvelous success) and fit. Selling his company in 1991, Lane embarked on a worldwide quest to train himself in the ways of the Fight. He planned to return to it and show all the doubters that he was worthy of his Championship. Alas, it was not to be. Lane contracted an aggressive form of thyroid cancer and died in a hospice outside of Dover in late 1992.

[edit] Record

• 1977 - Champion, Last Man Standing.