Great Outdoor Fight 1970

From The Great Outdoor Fight

This fight is known for being one of the shortest Great Outdoor Fights ever (clocking in at a mere two days) and being the Fight where the infamous Turkey Dinner Incident occured.

During this year's competition, an appalling breach of ettiquette occured when the two army leaders killed each other during the Turkey Dinner with their silverware. With the loss of both leaders, the fight dissolved into even more chaos than usual and ended well ahead of schedule. One of the officiants (sometimes dubbed Them in the Tower and more commonly known as the Ruling Body) expressed displeasure at this: "Damnation, hardly got a chance to enjoy it at all; the fight was over so quick!"

By the end of the year, it was determined by a committee of former Champions of the GOF, led by "Young" Jude Surrency (1880-1994, Champion 1933), that such actions could negatively affect future Fights and that the traditional silverware would be replaced by plastic utensils; in particular the newly named spork. When it was pointed out by an officiant that a contestant could still be killed with such an item, Mr. Surrency replied that "If'n one sonuvabitch can kill another dumb sonuvabitch with a damn plastic spork, then that first sonuvabitch is Champion material!". The ninety year old Surrency then clubbed the officiant senseless with his walking stick "fer bein' a smartass."